Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
