O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
