I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
