is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
