After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
