I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
