I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Come on in and take your pants off
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