dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Holy sore nipples Batman
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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