You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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