My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
