dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
