In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
