His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
