you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
