My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
