zippers are such a cool invention
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
