JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
