I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I will be naked everywhere
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
