Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
