I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
