Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
