That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
