We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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