I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
