I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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