This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
