Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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