i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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