Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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