taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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