It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
