Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
