I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
