we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
