Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
