Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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