you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
