So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
