she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
