woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
