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please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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