did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
