He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
