hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
