The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
