third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
