this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just invented taco cereal.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
