Kiss
Puke
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
