good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
