girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
