I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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