please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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