Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
