dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
